Control is an illusion!

Hello all. I will directly start the topic without boring you. There can be two scenarios in our life. One where we say, “Oh! I controlled the situation very well”; “You see how she controls this or that person” or “Wow, now I have learnt to control my feelings and emotions very well”. In another scenario we say, “Oh man! This situation was totally out of my control. I could do nothing”; “He could have controlled that person, but he did not” or “Are you crazy? Can’t you even control your emotions?” and so on. We come across similar situations where sometimes we are able to and sometimes we are unable to control ourselves, persons around us or even our feelings and emotions.

But when we see from a broader perspective we will see that in both the scenarios the approach is wrong. Because in reality nothing is in our control, NOTHING. No, I am not kidding. I can prove it to you.

First, we should understand in which all context we use the word ‘control’. Control can be at three levels.

  • Control on yourself – this includes control over body, thoughts, emotions and feelings
  • Control over others – this includes control over people around you in terms of body, thoughts, emotions and feelings
  • Control over situations – this includes control over the situation that you are in

 

Control on yourself:

We think that we have a control on our body and bodily functions. Correct. But only up to certain degree. We have a limited control on the body. For example, we can control our breath but we don’t need to put an effort in order to breathe. We can control what to eat, when to eat but the digestion process is not in our control it is happening on its own. There are thousands of processes that keep happening in our body and we have no control over them.

Do you have any control over your thoughts? Yes, up to a certain level you can force some positive thoughts. But then after some time their effect goes away. Sometimes we are in search of motivation. And then we read a book or just watch some motivational speeches on YouTube. Successfully we controlled our thoughts! But for how much time does that inspiration remain? It fades away. So, we can’t even control our thoughts.

What about emotions and feelings? Controlling these is almost next to impossible. And all of us have experienced this many a times. Sometimes you know that you are not supposed to get angry, but you just get angry. You cannot actually control about the way you feel about people or situations.

Control over others:

Yes, you can control someone’s body but again there are limitations. Of course, doctors control certain things in the body of a patient. For example, if someone is having Thyroid hormone imbalance. The doctor will give pills to balance that hormone and thereby he can control the body function. But again, as I said there are some limitations. A person whose brain is dead cannot be brought back to life.

Trying to control others person’s thoughts is the most foolish thing. And if someone claims that he/she can control someone else thoughts then that is the height of foolishness. Don’t agree with me? Ok. Let me explain. You can convince any person only if he/she lets you do that. If that person doesn’t want to get convinced, no matter how much ever you try, you cannot convince him/her. The best example is when someone is angry or mad at you. You say ‘I can explain’. But all the efforts go in vein. Because the next person is not allowing you to control his/her thoughts. And if you get successful in convincing them that means the next person gave you an entry in their mind.

We can’t control how we feel about a particular person or situation. And how can we even imagine controlling emotions and feelings of others? Of course, we can push their buttons and make them go crazy or make them laugh but this happens only when they let us do so. Sometimes we can just tell them that a situation can be seen from other point of view and the way they feel about it may change. But again, it is also limited.

Control over situations:

Imagine you are flying in an Aeroplane and waiting for it to land. But then there comes an announcement that the flight cannot land at expected time due to bad weather. And you miss your next connecting flight. Can you control anything in this situation? ANYTHING for that matter? You go for summer vacations for a weekend on a beach. To get tanned and bathe in sea. And the day when you reach there suddenly the weather changes and its storm. No Sun! No entry in sea! Can you control anything about it? Of course, when it comes to small situations like a small misunderstanding between friends can be solved. But again, they should let you in their mind. Otherwise two people mad at each other don’t want to even hear about the other person. So, control over situations also is limited.

Now, you are convinced that the control over things is limited or not completely in your hands. But when you see still deeper, there are instances where we think we could control something but it doesn’t go the way we want it to go. There is always some uncertainty. You may do one action in same manner every time and possibility is that there can be a different effect sometimes. Even if a machine is doing same action, at some or the other time it will give a different effect. So basically, everything is uncertain and nothing is actually in our control. And what is the use of knowing this? That we will see in next article. Till then keep observing. . . All the best�

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