Welcome back dear readers. I am happy to read your feedback on my previous article. Could you find out the benefits of knowing that ‘control is just an illusion’? Let us see some benefits. Knowing that things are not in your control-
When you realize that things were or are not in your control then it avoids so many negative feelings that bother you. You can remain peaceful and calm. You don’t get agitated that you cannot control certain things. For example, when you are stuck in traffic jam you just know that you cannot control it and then you can stay cool and not get angry. You will not say, “I can’t forgive myself.”
When you know that not everything is in your control you stop blaming yourself and others. When you have a notion that things are in control and still something went wrong then the blame game starts. You either blame yourself or others for not controlling the situation. And then you get angry, frustrated or you regret. And when you blame someone you push that person away from you. And when you blame yourself you go away from yourself. And bitterness starts in life. You know, sometimes we blame others saying, ‘you could have done things in this way or that way. I had told you to do so. But You did not do it that way. And everything became a mess now.’ Imagine someone blaming You in this manner. Would you like it? When it comes to us, we say I did everything that I could do but things didn’t just go the way I wanted them to be. I was helpless. Why and when do we feel helpless? Because and when we THINK that we have control. So, it is foolish to blame others or yourself for not controlling the situation in better way.
I know you have many things going on your head right now. Mind is saying yes, yes and no, no! We will talk the other aspect at the end.
When we stop blaming, we accommodate people. They feel safe in your presence. Communication happens. There is no bitterness or fear. Otherwise people live in this fear of what you will say. Will you get angry? Will you throw them away from your life? And in such situation sometimes comes, the lie. But if we accommodate people, the whole situation becomes different. Harmony gets established. Won’t you like it when someone doesn’t blame you for your action or inaction and understands you. Accommodates you with a smile and compassion? Everybody feels good.
When there is harmony, they start listening to you. They open up to you and then you can easily guide them, help them to come out of the mess and stress. You can uplift them.
When we stop blaming ourselves there is such a relief. We can literally feel tonnes of kilograms of weight is loaded off from our head. Same happens to other persons also. They feel a lot of relief. Relief from emotions and feelings like guilt, anger, fear and frustration. Because we don’t have to prove to someone that we are not guilty. I didn’t have any control on the situation. Suppose you are driving your car or bike and suddenly a stray cat comes running completely unaware about the situation. And gets under your vehicle. You apply brakes to the maximum but still the poor cat cannot survive the accident. Whom will you blame in this situation? The cat? But it was unaware about the vehicle. Yourself? But even you were unaware about the cat’s entry and you had put the brakes immediately when you saw it. So who had control here? When we realise that there was no control, we don’t feel bad or guilty.
When we know that the things are not totally in our control then we are not worried much about the results. This boosts our confidence. Because then you know that whatever may be the result, I just have to do whatever I need to and let the result be anything. Because from experience we have send the not every effort gets converted into success. But every effort for sure becomes a step towards success. And then it fills you with so much of confidence and positivity. There is no place for doubt. You get ready to face any result. And this confidence increases chances of success.
This view can be very dangerous also if we do not take precautions. At one moment you may say that if we accept that there is no control over anything then what is the use of doing anything in the first place?
Imagine you have a friend who is going into bad company of alcohol and drugs. And if you say that anyway I do not have any control on him or the situation. Why should I help or put any effort? Then you are acting more foolishly. The sole purpose of knowing about control is to take an action that is required at that moment and not expecting the results to be the way you want them to be, and thereby maintaining peace of mind.
Yes, the wisest thing to do is, taking an action that is needed to be taken and not taking any credit for desired or non-desired results. Your job is to inform your friend about the bad effects that he will face if he gets into alcohol and drugs. You don’t need to expect him immediately agreeing with you. Use your skills and with compassion keep on making efforts to bring him on the good path.
This understanding should not make you lazy. This should not make you passive. When we know that anyway we are not in control, we shall at least put our efforts. Not caring for results will make us take more and more risks.
So, I shall not make this more complicated. If you still have any doubts or need clarification about something, let me know in the comments section. We’ll discuss about that. Be happy and make others happy! 😊